Mamalicious Mornings

When I think of mornings in our house, or in general, I think of F U...

N!

Yup, mornings are always a fun time around here.
Saturday morning started like any other.
It begins with me trying to pretend I don't hear any monsters opening my door and slamming it shut over and over and over.
I mean slamming it.
 I really wake up  
(when my brain is on the verge of exploding) 
on my own free will
as I'm being poked in the face by multiple fingers to a choir of wailing and moaning children. They boys were singing their usual morning song which I believed is titled "I'm starving." It has some pretty deep lyrics, the chorus goes something like "I want cereal, I want a sandwich, I want ice-cream" with one verse sung by each of the little ones. It's a song that would make any mother's ears bleed insides feel warm and fuzzy.
This particular morning I was feeling terrible, I had a killer headache and was in no mood for any nonsense! I figured if I could get them breakfast as fast as possible I might be able to coheres them into a cuddle fest (aka going back to sleep). I quickly headed for the stairs, got about three steps down only for Big Bug to start screaming "Ma! Ma!" Making someone hold his hand when going down the stairs is his new thing. That's exactly what we need in this house - ANOTHER new thing.
We've got more "new things" than Trump has dollars.
By the time all four of us are downstairs I attempt to start taking orders again, because these boys are like adult women who can't make up their mind so I know it's changed in the last 10 seconds.
Another fight starts
I'm giving someone the wrong bowl.
Now I'm screaming. VERY LOUDLY!! (Inside of my own head but still screaming.)
On to the next fight.
Fishy Richie doesn't want cereal now. This may or may not have been a result of the bowl issue.
I decide this is MY day to win and Fishy Richie can continue to starve.
2 bowls of cereal made and I decide to make one for myself.

More screaming.

Even more screaming.

I haven't even got the cereal bowls to the table yet and I'm ready to call it a day.
Fishy Richie gives in and wants cereal.  

Too.

Bad.

BESIDES

You have a father -

  Ask him.

Anyways, I deliver the other two bowls to the table and I'm so irritated that I take mine over to the stairs and sit down to eat. It's like I'm a sulking 4 year old. I don't care.
Just as I sit down Big Bug spills some milk on the floor because OF COURSE he can't just keep his bowl at the table and eat. Noooooooooo!
I think by this point my loss of sanity was obvious because Big Bug goes did this.

He's not even 2.

I decide I'm not even going to get mad about it because he was so good about it. He then picks up his bowl AGAIN and my blood starts to boil. What does he do next?

He comes and sits with me. I can NOT be mad at this kid. (At least not right now)

Dad comes down and gives Fishy Richie cereal because apparently which bowl he gets doesn't matter anymore.
Two minutes later him and Chuleta get into it and someone spills again.
Blood boiling!
Rage building!!
Screaming!!! (Only this time it's not inside my head.)

While I'm being MAD this happens.

Chuleta then got up, got the broom and dust pan and cleaned it up. He's 3.

I was almost ready to give up on life mornings and then they go and do that.

Sweet 

Stinkin

Monsters
 

(P.S. for those of you wondering, only half of the bad spacing was intentional.)

Mamalicious Life

What is a Mamalicious life and who lives it?

Por favor, let me edu.ma.cate. U.

Here is a quick run down (in no particular order) of what mamalicious mama's do:

1.  Your baby loses his/her first tooth. You can NOT let your little one be disappointed as it was you that has fed his/her mind full of ridiculous fairy tales for the last 5 years. That means YOU are not going to be the one to let them know that you've been a big fat liar from the very minute they were born. That's right, time to dig down where it hurts (your wallet and your pride) and put on your dainty tooth fairy wings and deliver.

2.  It's the dead of summer and your offspring are just about to kick off their 5th consecutive hour of The Family Guy so you force yourself out of your grubby sweats, pull that unflattering one piece out of the bottom of the big black garbage bag stuffed in the corner of your closet that you never got around to taking to good will, squeeze your mommy parts in and run past the mirror as fast as you can without looking and head to the public pool. You will suffer in total embarrassment because you LOVE those little rotters THAT much! Besides, if you have to stomach the sound of that show on tv for one more minute you're going to...well...do something drastic. Like start a load of laundry.

3. You teach them responsibility. Pets are a tool for that. Just like children you need to feed them, play with them, hold them, sing to them... I mean, pets are people too!

4. It's easy to be distracted by the important things you are going to do in your "free time" such as your spa appointment, the nail you just chipped, avoiding getting a grass stain on your freshly pressed designer dress but you've got to stay alert! And yes, I know that sometimes the sweet silence of a coma DOES sound appealing but the reality is no one else wants your problems or your kids so you must always, always, ALWAYS look both ways before crossing the street.

5.  But maybe one of the most valuable lessons you can teach your special blessings from heaven is that LESS truly is MORE!!!

I know what you're thinking. Heidi, Halle, Britney, Sofia and Giselle are all doing it completely wrong. And it's true. Look at how RIDICULOUS  they all look! 

Being truly mamalicious means making it through a day full of boogers, vomit, gum in the hair, toys being flushed down the toilet, 53 times outs (12 of which belonged to mom), 3 mental break downs, pulled hair, noise complaints from the neighbours, 1 cut knee, 4 bruises, 942 "he/she did it's", 3 I hate you's, 2348459843 no's and ZER0 thank you's and BELIEVING that it was worth it all for a HUG, a KISS and a CUDDLE from each MONSTER at the end of the never-ending day.

And those of you that manage that plus a shower and a pair of real clothes deserve a medal. A gold Mamalicious medal...but you'll probably have to settle for one made out of Playdoh instead.