I Suck!

Sometimes as soon as you get the ball rolling it hits a wall. I guess that's what happened to me 3 days and 3 posts into my blog. 

FORGIVE ME!!!! POR FA!!!!

In efforts to try and redeem myself to all 2 not so faithful followers I am going to share a quick story about my

MA     MA   MA     MA  MA

First and foremost you should know that my ma has the trashiest hoe-bag neighbour that their ever was.

My ma and the hoodrat became "friends" at first and even though I warned my ma, like all little black sheep she did not listen. 

  

(My warning wen't something like this:

Me: "Ma, you're neighbour is such a whore! Seriously, why do you hang out with that White trash skank?"

Ma: "mumble...excuse...mumble...")

After (too long) a while my ma finally figured out on her own that the hoe-bag was a downer and a drain. 

Fortunately  
that realization has resulted in my ma no longer letting her mooch and hound her.
Unfortunately,
but obviously that hasn't gone over well with Ms. Whiskey Tango.

The discord between them led up to a nasty occurrence just over a month ago. Skeazy McNasty wanted to borrow my ma's sprinkler and the best way to ask was via screaming from across her own yard to my ma who was indoors. Ma said no, skanktastic responded with nonsense and THEN

OUT OF NOWHERE

Crusty the clown comes running over into my ma's yard and ATTACKS her.

WHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?

My mom let her have it and then called the police. Drama ensued.


Since then Dirty Filthbag has been throwing her trash in my ma's backyard. This hasn't fared well for hoodrat because she also threw in her welfare stubs. Did I mention she's been scamming welfare like any good scum bucket would?


One day my ma takes said welfare slips into the office to show Trashtacular who's the smart one and while waiting to speak to someone my ma discovers something on her.

Turns out it was a 

TICK!

A nearby man tells my ma it's a blahblahblah (I don't remember the name) type of tick. 

DANGER!!!

Luckily my ma probably wasn't bit. At least that's what I as her distant doctor tell her.


But here's where it gets 

GOOD!!!


My ma then tells me how she thinks that the disease ball next door probably put that tick in with her garbage DELIBERATELY so that it would get her.

?????????????????

hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha (sorry ma)
You cant' even make stuff this good up!!!


I then had to gently help my ma realize that her alcoholic, child neglecting, drain on society neighbour definitely probably didn't have the sense nor the ambition to actually go Tick hunting and to capture one to hide within her garbage that would later lay a surprise attack on her.

Oh ma...

I love the way your mind works.

(sometimes...like when it's funny and you don't know it)

P.S. Did you get that tick bite checked yet... I heard they are DANGEROUS?!?! ;)